Change


Lately, I’ve been thinking if it would be easier to my readers if I just wrote in Portuguese. Everyone commenting here are Brazilians and I keep thinking if it is silly to keep writing in English :)

But I also have a suspicious some of you readers, follow the blog but just don’t comment… So with you in mind, I’m running this poll.

Always remember you can use the translator feature on the right-hand side of the blog, to translate either English-> Portuguese or Portuguese->English.

Please cast your vote (even if you don’t want to leave a comment) so I know if you are reading in English, or prefer English, I will leave it that way.

Ultimamente tenho pensado se seria mais fácil pro meus leitores se eu escrevesse em Português. Todo mundo que comenta aqui é Brasileiro, então eu fico achando meio bobo ficar escrevendo em inglês.

Mas eu também desconfio que algumas pessoas de fora lêem o blog sem comentar e algumas pessoas Brasileiras também preferem em inglês (para praticar o inglês), então pensando nisso, tô fazendo essa pesquisa…

Lembre-se que vocês podem sempre usar o tradutor do lado direito do blog pra traduzir Inglês -> Português ou vice-versa.

Por favor vote (mesmo que você não queira deixar um comentário) e eu vou saber o que vocês preferem :)

Which language would you prefer I blog on? Que língua você prefere que eu blogue?

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If you want explain more your vote, use the comments bellow :) Otherwise, thank you!

Se quiserem explicar mais o voto, podem usar os comentários aí embaixo, senão obrigada!!

Busy bee again :bz but no news there :) Flu/hayfever finally gone and I am back to my good self, finally!

Went to see Mrs. G and her Baby G., how cute can an oriental baby be? The cutest!!! =D We caught up with life, and I had a wonderful time in the Sun. Then went to meet Mr. and Mrs. M for a spot of Caetano Veloso @ Barbican Hall, he did some crazy weirdo stuff but still totally worth it! Could not believe when he did my favourite Trem das Cores \:D/

Stroppy but his wonderful voice is all he needs

So going back to training tonight, looking forward to it! Have put on a weight I really didn’t want to, but hey ho, no point complaining about, hate something, change something, make something better, that’s my motto!

Speaking of hating something, changing something, a lot of things I hated happened lately, involving the past, friends and things I’d like have gone differently.

But again, all I will do is something to change it, and try and make it better, for me. It is not only the fact I hate confrontation, is also the fact I believe every time I complain to people the way I feel, it is in a way empowering that person to make me feel that way. And I don’t like that feeling one little bit. Also, there is the feeling of being silly, complaining about something that is not there, and is only my self-esteem (or lack of it) and paranoia getting the best of me.

So the change will have to come from me, and mostly the problem is with me anyway, (maybe a middle-child-syndrome symptom)  getting jealous of people not giving me attention as they do to each other. I need to accept that’s what happens when friends are not “mine”, but have been copied. I have to learn and cope with that, and readjust that despite I consider them my FRIENDS, they may consider me their friend. And I can live with that no problem, just need to know where I stand really. I will do my usual re-shuffle, I only hope this going with the flow, when I take a step back, doesn’t get me in trouble again, as it did before, but if it does, this time I am completely sure I did my best, and maybe it just wasn’t enough, and time for the friendship to move on to another place or finish completely.

On the other side, a lot of things I loved happened as well, balance of the Universe kinda of thing. Reconnected with my real, “original” friends, the cave planning is taking new and exciting highs, my work contract is in the process of being renewed and as I said on the top of the post, my ilness has gone away. I am happy, and content and have to stop “looking for hairs on egg shells” like we say in Brazil :-D

*So, Brazil is out of the World Cup. I always knew they wouldn’t make it to the final. They’ve played a passionless football, with too much diving, complaining and getting annoyed with the opponent when they played a certain level above the average. Yes, I do agree the referee was weak, but when you are considered the geniuses of football, no referee should be able to stop you unless it is scandalous incompetence, which wasn’t on the case by far.

* I was rooting for Uruguay to get through. Ghana team is a brute team, shouting and intimidating adversaries is not how football should be won. I think was a fair result and I am happy for Uruguay, which has been playing good solid football throughout.

* Argentina not going through and loosing 4×0 was a shock. I was getting to like their passion and the clean football they played throughout the tournament. They didn’t cheat, didn’t dive, didn’t become violent, and you gotta leave the rivalry aside to admit and admire that . Unfortunately,(and it hurts me to say that) Brazil was the one doing all those things this year, and you gotta leave your Brazilian heart aside to admit that as well. With me, love for the sport speaks louder than the love or hate for the teams.

* Did not see the Spain game, but happy Torres will get another chance to try ;)

Tom: What happens when you fall in love? Summer: You believe in that? Tom: It's love, it's not Santa Claus.

Between one game and the other, and the cave planning, we managed to, finally , watch 500 days of Summer. The movie starts saying it is not a love story, and I disagree with it. For me, it is a love story, and all love entitles, including coming to an end, or not being corresponded. It is an amazing story, got me gripped on the sofa and shut myself up (I usually speak a LOT during movies) and I just wanted to know if the predictable, sweeter-than-honey, messes-up-with-peoples-heads-and-expectations-about-how-real-life-should-be annoying Hollywoodian ending would come. Well, I am not going to spoil that for you ;)  But enjoyed it a lot!

I am slowly getting up-to-date with the blogs I read, and the hardest thing for me is to read the posts without leaving anything in the comments field.

The problem is, I treat everything online the same I would treat if I was talking with the person face to face. I get this strong feeling if I am not replying to people, it is like I am letting them talk alone. And I am the same with twitter, facebook and e-mails   ~x(

The problem with it is that sometimes people may think I am being clingy, or that I  have the last word (which is a bad habit in my point of view) or that I have nothing else to do with my life, which would be brilliant, if it only was true.

But of course it could be something far worse than that. And that I do it to keep people close, that I believe I need this to keep “reminding” people I exist, and would attract them to treat me the same way.

As part of my journey of treating my paranoia, I think I need to change this habit. I believe now I know the profile of all my online friends, and I know who needs, wants, likes lots of comments and/or replies. And those who are not really bothered by it. And I will start and apply that trend instead, always making sure I comment when I have something that will contribute to the dialog and not only because I have to say something.

It will save me a lot of face and lot of time, I tells ya.

Mind you, I will keep reading all my timeline, nonetheless and regardless of how long it takes. Tweet by tweet, status by status, post by post. I am not *that* unhooked from it yet to only read what I currently see when I log in :-??

And on a quick note, Birthday was brilliant! Friends made it amazing once again and totally worth for arranging the lunch! Got a lot of presents, too big a list to put in here now, but will certainly be talking about them and dropping pics as I get to put them to good use! :-bd

I never much liked my birthdays. I like other people’s, planning it, celebrating it with them and all.
But I always felt awkward about my birthday.
It starts with the fact I share my birthday with my sister. She is 2 years older than me, but we share the day. Both Gemini, both with a bolt (or more) loose in our heads. Because my brother’s bday is less than a month away, we always shared birthdays parties. And I say “parties” because that’s when my dad’s parent would come and see us and have cake :)

They lived in the countryside (about 2,5 hrs away) and that was the annual visit we would have. It was exciting times, and I loved seeing them, but it wasn’t the big do children in Brazil were used to. It was a very small affair, just in the flat, the 11 of us, cake, great pressies and playing about. But it was like a “collective” birthday for the three of us. Which I really enjoyed, and have only fond memories of.

When we were 9, 11 and 13, my parents hired the venue space in the building to throw us a big party. We had children play’s actors, they hired professional entertainers, we had a huge cake and treats. The party was full with my sister’s and brother’s friends, but hardly any of my friends came. I lost one of the games, and remember crying lots because of that. What I remember the better was the look on mum’s and dad’s eyes happy they were giving us a party we never had, and I feel so good they were so happy and satisfied I now can look back and see that’s what was worth it. We had to eat the tons of pop (Sprite and guaraná) and hot dogs left over from the party on the following days, and the combination always remind me of that party now :)

When I turned 16(as sis was turning 18) we decided to go out partying in a club. Again, just one of my friends (which is still one of my closest ones) turned up, sis had a boyfriend and he went with her with another friend, but other than that no one else turned up, despite the fact we distributed more than 50 invitations around the High School. I am still extremely thankful for my friend who went to the party, and that’s what I carry with me from that night, that she would be with me no matter what, when or where!

After that, for a while, I didn’t really celebrated birthdays in a big way. I think the fact it was always weird time for me, feeling the centre of attention is not my forte, and I think in some level, I was afraid of getting turned down again. So the following birthdays were only family, a birthday cake and feeling loved by people around me without worrying about organizing meet-ups or anything of the like :)

When I moved to the UK, 8 years ago, I completely abandoned the idea of having parties. We would travel, or go for a meal, or just stay in home and watch a movie. In 2008, when my life was having a “U” turn, I had a surprise party, and I was suprised really! With the party and with all my friends being there (first time it happened ever!) They were all there with me, having a nice time, and the love was flowing about the place.

Since then, I now face my fears, my weirdness, and I organize at least 3 dates my friends can choose to go and see me.

Last year was the big 30’s (a special milestone here in UK) and I had a nightout in Southampton seeing Mr J playing guitar, I had a meal @ Outback, lunch with about 25 people from work, and a girlie night with the girls. Tomorrow, I have 14 people confirmed for a lunch meal @ a Italian place, and had 2 girlie meetings organized (one of them may be cancelled though because girls can’t make it, LOL)…

I am starting to like the fact my friends like being there, coming all the way from wherever-they-are just to give me a hug, a smile, and wish me well. To celebrate a new year in my life. And the fact my birthday falls on a bank holiday weekend in UK makes the sacrifice even the bigger.

Internet can be a pain in the ar*e sometimes, but all the Congratulations via Facebook, Twitter, e-mails, MSN makes anyone’s day and I have to confess it warms my heart.

Mr. J is wonderful about it as well. He is always in a great mood about birthdays (same with Christmas) and always spoils me rotten when my birthday is coming. Banners, Ballons, the lot!

So, with time, I am leaving that shy scared Birthday girl behind. And growing into someone who is learning how to enjoy this moment, when everyone is happy she made into another year. Happier, stronger, more confident. And that can accept even if people don’t turn up, it is worthy celebrating and making a big fuss of it!

Oh yeah! I will start visiting my blogroll soon and catching up with everything I missed in the last 2 months, but no way I will be able to comment! But be warned I will visit your online house and leave without saying hello! (this will be a post one day, why do I have this compulsion to comment and reply everyone?!)

So, I’ve passed on the citizenship test! <:-P

Don’t get me wrong, was very interesting learning all that stuff, but the pressure I put on myself every time I have to go through a test is immense and I am glad it is over and I can move to the next-to-d0-thing. Passing the test is only the first thing to do to get my British Citizenship, so now I have to gather paperwork, references, travel dates (in and out of Britain) and then pay £765 to apply and then £50 for the checking service, which is optional, but I will use to avoid my application being denied or delayed due to silly mistakes. So more news to come on that front.

So now I can try and keep this more updated, even if with silly notes. Yeah, because I don’t have exciting news like Qriswho has brought Baby C to this world on Saturday !! :-x  All gorgeous, and healthy and serene! Such wonderful baby! She is amazing and I can’t wait to start babysitting this cutie pie! :)

And I know I blabbed about it 6 months ago, but it is interesting how lately I’ve been feeling more of an inverse Miranda (from Sex and the City that is). I’ve quickly counted 7 of my friends (and that includes my sister) becoming mums or mums-to-be in the last year. Maybe is the fact I am the youngest of the pack, but I see myself with less and less girlies to be self-centred with me on my rants! Not fair, only a few child-free friends still in London (2 to be more exact), the few others all spread over Britain and beyond! :-D

Only joking. The fact is, I am the one who feels out of place talking about me me me all the time, and not knowing how to give advise  to the new mums, or identifying with them how they feel – as I’ve never been through that myself and am not even sure I want to be a mum one day – makes me feel out of place sometimes with the mums and their busy life around their just arrived little cub.

I am extremely happy for all of them, and I like the talk, the subjects, the baby developments amazes me every time I see them doing something really clever.

But inside, really deep inside, is like I judge myself for not being part of that planet. Not knowing what to say, what to NOT say, what to do or what to NOT do, when to call, when NOT to call. When to offer my should for a cry, or my face for a punch, or not offer anything at all (yeah, because we all know the moody changes new-mothers or mothers-to-be go through).

I do hope they understand I am doing my best to be a good child-free friend, even if I sound silly sometimes, or do something completely stupid, or keep talking about me me me all the time and behaving like their oldest child! :-@

Once again I feel good because I was the difference about something I believed in.
Wasn’t such a hugelly important cause, but still… Ok, from the start:
Here in UK, the music hit parade is something very serious. Every week the official chart is released to let people know what is selling more. And one of the traditions for Christmas would be the people waiting to know who would win, it was very exciting times and even betting was taken on it.
Since the music reality shows started (such as PopStars, PopIdol and lately the X-Factor) the Christmas number ones are always the same one. Well not the same ones, but is always the artist who win the programme who goes to win the run for which music will sell more.
But not this year! This year, someone ordinary on Facebook started a campaign to change it. Tired of the old same old predictable fate of knowing who would win, a couple started a campaign with friends to buy the Rage against the machine song “Killing in the name of” to bring the musical war back, the excitement. Against just following the trend of sheep just going to shops to buy the single. And they asked friends to spread the word, and those friends to spread the word with other friends and so on…
And it worked. Today the official results came through confirming Rage against the machine won the battle.
Wasn’t only about buying the single (I only spent 29p buying it). Was about the money they raised for Shelter charity, a charity that looks after homeless people. And so far they raised almost £76000,00! (which I donated £2 for).
And once again, I felt good, for being part of it.
And wasn’t the first time I did it. A few months ago, I was part of a complaint campaign against a fashion company in Brazil because they were portraying violence against women like something that is normal and in vogue. I followed the requests from Denise when she posted it on her blog. And we were victorious when the campaign was taken off air.
It goes to show how people can get what they want done, all you have to do is start it.
Currently, I am also part of the campaign to return Sean home, and I hope to soon be posting good news about that as well.
It proves you can do what they tell you. Just make sure is the right, intelligent, informed thing to do ;)

Today I’ve started to study for my “Life in the UK” journey into my citizenship to become British.
One of the requirements is that you prove you have a fair knowledge on what people living here for 5 years (I’ve been here for 7 actually) are supposed to know.
I don’t want to get on the vast debate which has been done and redone on how unrealistic the test is – Mr J who was born and lived here a big chunk of his life did not pass the mock test – but the fact is I’ve gotta do it and there is no way out of it, so tonight I took my dusty notebook out, my colour pens and went to study the first chapter of the book I’ll have to ge to know upside down, back to front and the normal way of course!
Won’t bore you with most of the things I have to learn, but here are the most interesting in my opinion: (mind you everything is interesting for me, I love to study!)

** Huguenots were protestants French people who left France (and were accepted by the U.K.) between the 16th and 18th centuries
** Pogroms were racist attacks against Jews from Poland, Ukraine and Belarus between 1880-1910 – to who U.K. also gave shelter
** Yes, there is only one football squad for Olympic games, but for International Matches (like the World Cup) there are four (one for each country): England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland.
** Until 1882, the property of a woman, along with her money and earnings were automatically owned by her husband the moment she got married.
** Nowadays, 51% of the population is composed by women, and 45% of the workforce (yeay for us!)
** Girls leave school with better qualification (in average) than boys and are also in bigger number in the University (yeay for us again!)
** Currently only 65% of the children live with both birth parents. A whopping 25% lives with lone-parenting families and 10% with step-families.
** Alcohol and Smoking are on the rise amongst young people, and half of them admit having used drugs at least once (which I thought was high as well)

That’s it for tonight, it was only one chapter… I am struggling with dates and some % but I haven’t even booked the test yet or don’t even know if I will be allowed to apply for it yet, but I am having fun getting this knowledge nonetheless :) And when the time comes I will be already prepared.

So here I am again back to Everyblue.com, where I have been before and left after so many things changed in my life.

All very basic and simple, but doing the most important bit for now which is writing, isn’t it?

Have a client to finish the website for (done and waiting feedback) and a friend to finish the blog design for (done)  (plus do the day job which pays my bread) so will be back later to make things prettier, completer*, funkier and make this my diary on the net

With the usual English misspellings and make-up words, of course!

(even more because my WP spelling check is not working. Boo) *(Thanks to Mauro, I am using Firefox spell checker and even found out the word completer exists, who’d have thought? :) )

I supposed this is how a generation goes.
We notice lots of friends getting into university around the same time.
We notice lots of friends getting married around the same time.
(we notice lots of friends getting divorced around the same time)
(we notice lots of friends getting married for the second time/moving in together around the same time)
We notice lots of friends getting pregnant around the same time.
And babies popping out around the same time :)

It all started last year with 3 friends announcing they were pregnant. My big sister gave the news at the beginning of this year.
After that is like there was something in the water and it is non-stop…

My Portuguese goddaughter was born last December and she is a stunning baby. She has those delicate features and big eyes which will charm anyone, I am sure. I mostly follow her development through pictures but I will see her again at the end of the year and can’t wait for it!

Last Saturday we went to meet Mrs. A’s baby, “Banoffee Pie”. He is only teeny (8 weeks old) but he is gorgeous. He already smiles (not sure if it is reflex more than intentional), he has that baby smell, tiny hands and fingers, he was mostly quiet and cute apart from when he was hungry or annoyed.
It was great to see him after we followed the whole pregnancy.

I’ve also received the news one my dearest friends, Mrs. L had her baby-boy. I am soo happy for her and so happy everything went to plan. She is one of the nicest people I know and I wish them all the luck and health in the world.

More friends now have children (My brother gave us Gigi, my goddaughter, now 3, amazingly smart and cute and joyful), Nanda has another Giovana a cutsy too! Mrs G. is expecting a girl, Mrs. T wants a surprise. I’ve seen when Liesl got pregnant with “Peanut” and he is now a big strong boy. Another friend is preggie, but asked me to keep it quiet for now, but I am immensely happy for her too!

It makes me think if I will ever feel my clock ticking. I never did and still don’t.
It reminds me of Mr. M who has made the conscious decision not to have children…

Don’t get me wrong, I like children. I love taking care of them. I’ve always had since I was around 10 and helped my aunties with my cousins.

But I have to confess despite having a huge motherly protective feeling around everyone I know and love (Mum is my nickname after all – and I can be as annoying as one) I dread the idea of being a mother. The responsibility.

Be responsible for its well being. Kindness. Politeness. Happiness. Will it love life or hate life? The world is such a dangerous place. Life is such a hard trial. There is so much pain, so much frustration, so many people are only happy while complaining about something. The world is such a negative place I am not sure if it is fair to bring someone into it just to be another person unhappy about being alive.

The idea I will have a child, love it like I never loved anything before and than let it to go to the world scares me too.

With Mr. J, children are in the plans. Talking about them eases me more into it and warms me to the idea. And you know what? I love life. All the good and bad bits. I am glad my mom and dad decided to have me. To give me a beautiful unique name, to teach me life is good even if bad bits are in it. They taught me to be strong, to look on the bright side. To be friendly, and be friends.
They taught me life is worth it.

So I hope one day my clock will tick stronger. And I will feel more inclined in teaching what mom and dad taught me once. And maybe I can, along with my friends, raise better happier children and somehow the world will be a better place for them as well.

Something I read on Ms. C blog got me thinking…

Things one should think about improving to make one’s life better.

Pack healthy snacks to eat along the day !check! I am known for doing so and my friends are always snacking off my stock too,lol. I Hate feeling hungry because I believe this kills your muscle tissue which means more fat in your body so I avoid it at all costs! But yeah, sometimes I do forget to pack it….
After 30’s you kinda need to think a bit about these things – without being too paranoid !check! Don’t know about the not being paranoid bit, but yeah, its weird like after 30 (even if just a few months after, I may add) I naturally think more about it, like you start to know you’re not in this life forever and you need to make an effort to make most of it.
Smile and laugh more !check! I laugh at everything. And smile too. I am soo easy! And silly.
Drink a lot of water !check! I drink tons of water already. I also use the excuse to get a break and stretch my legs to get water. I was never a fan of fizzy pop and juice is only nice for me with food. I think I should thank my parents and my schools to make sure I was always into water and juice/fizzy pop were only for special occasions :)
Keep your back straight x Need to work more on this one. Posture was always a problem for me, the only time I can remember having a great posture is when I did swimming lessons. Shame here they don’t have it as the same package as the membership. But will try yoga or just being more conscious about it.
Be less online and more live action !check! I think I’ve been pretty good with this one since last year! I rarely refuse an invite to meet up and come up with ideas as well… Sometimes I try to make “online friendships” to become “real” ones, but for some reason it doesn’t seem to be working, unfortunately. So now I do my best, I offer my phone and my time. If they want to take it good, if not, what more can one do, really? I am just content I got to keep the online thingy going on as well :)
Drink less alcohol !check! I’ve been cutting my alcohol intake a lot. I never drunk a lot per se, but during the last year I was having at least a glass on Fridays, but it turned into two and then you don’t want to leave half a bottle there… So I stopped it. I have it small bottles (they sell tiny ones here which comes with 2 glasses worth of wine) when I feel like it, or will drink some when with friends and not driving…
Pay attention to things around you !check! Hehehe, that’s something I am always doing as well. I guess as I am working from home now is a bit more difficult but even driving around, or just watching TV or surfing the net I am always trying to catch new things in the air and notice people, things around me. They intrigue me, I always catch myself thinking about their past, what brought them there.
Take more photos. Write more. Life is too busy to expect our poor
little brain to remember everything.
!check!
Could not agree more. I am always a great fan of pictures and videos and anything that helps our poor memory/attention spam.
Sing !check! I am always singing, humming. So yeah, check that too.

Adding a few of my own:
* Forgive – Life is too short for begrudges.
* Give up – Nothing wrong with failure, it’s only a sign you’ve tried. If you know you’ve tried your best, don’t waste more energy than is needed and move on. Life will sort things out.
* Dance – is there a better way to just let your body go as it wishes? (Ok there is, but preferably in public dancing is still a better choice of not getting arrested.)
* Make jokes – You never know when people will find it funny (or that is so bad is good ) and is a great feeling to make someone laugh or just smile :)
* Compliment people – Forget about weakness, let’s try some strong point for a change and it is bound to go back to you, even when you don’t want to.
* Pay attention to the sky. It gets you thinking beautiful things, even when is gray and dark. You know one day the clouds will go and all will be fine again. Inevitably.
* Say what you think – but without being rude, just strong. Life is short to live one that is not your own.
* Mean what you say. Always.
* Look on the bright side of life. Pollyana style all the way for me.

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